I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
