You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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