I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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