I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
