I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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