if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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