My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
