I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
