Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
false alarm, still single
Randomize
