i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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