if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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