Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
