And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
