Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
