my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
