Only a mothe r could love this liver
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
where are my pants?
in the oven.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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