My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
