I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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