omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
