Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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