The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
