I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
