Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
