super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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