All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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