I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
