It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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