Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
