So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
