Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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