I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
