K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
