everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I've blown a few things in my day
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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