she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
