A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
