a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
