Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
