it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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