so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
