jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
