My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
