After last night, I could never be a politician.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
