You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
