Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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