i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
