Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
