i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
