We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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