Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
