Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
