I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
