Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
