I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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