Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
