I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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