I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
