There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
