My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
