True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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