It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize