So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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