I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize