i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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