I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
