It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
