dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
