I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
