You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
